The one where she writes a mission statement.

Well if anyone was wondering, I accomplished the inevitable and made a complete and utter fool of myself on Valentine's Day. Mission accomplished. Now that our favorite Hallmark holiday has passed, I can get one with myself and reflect a bit. Currently, I'm listening to the song "Talk Tonight" by Oasis, reminiscing about my high school days. Things have changed since then, but not as much as I would prefer. At least I know it's no longer my raging hormones causing me to daydream about the opposite sex for hours on end. And I no longer do it for hours on end,thank you very much.

After the whirlwind of this weekend it's somehow Monday again (my least favorite of the days of the week), and I'm practicing a slightly more relaxed version of my usual weekly brain analyzing. I've heard some stories lately, which brings me to my point. Men and commitment. I happen to be a woman, and even I shudder at the word commitment. It's gross. Anyway, it has been brought to my attention that a man who is interested in a girl, in the I "like like" you way for all you 90s kids, will still have issues with getting in too deep, even if the girl is staring at him like he's nuts. So whether you hold hands with fingers laced or hands cupped, when did it become a problem that some guys are taking things way too seriously? There are still females out there who aren't looking to tie you down and take you home to mom and dad. Personally, I for one, try to avoid talking about feelings at all costs. Natural progression, progressing naturally. I like that. I try not to expect anything from anyone.

Since I know my reasoning for certain hangups, I think it's safe to say that much of this strange male behavior comes from negative past experiences. And I do feel guilty, partially, seeing as at one point in time I was a psycho girlfriend. Paranoid, clingy, etc etc. The paranoia was slightly

justified because I'm preternaturally disposed to it. Not my fault. I found that a lot of the other issues I just mentioned however, were me acting because I thought that was how girlfriends were supposed to act. When compared to one another, all of my relationships have been very different. Cases in which I cared too much, didn't care enough, and other times when I should have taken a step back and considered a more tactful manner of carrying myself. So I'm at the point where I'm ready to just take a deep breath, relax, stand still with someone and just be myself.

So this is my mission statement :

I am not looking for someone to shop with me at Bed Bath & Beyond on Sunday afternoons during football season. In fact, I would much prefer sitting at home, drinking beer, eating something that is terrible for my health, and watching my team lose

(Cleveland fans have it rough). I don't want to talk about my feelings, unless they have bubbled to a point of no return. It's hurtful bubbling, I'm only trying to help you out here. I enjoy watching a wide variety of movies. Sometimes they are crappy chick flicks, and I won't subject you to those. I want to have fun, do things that both people in the "relationship" want to do, and every once in a while be treated like a lady that you're trying to woo. Holidays, special occasions. Not expecting the world. Just be nice. Oh, and I won't ever be looking for someone. I guess this is me, reminding myself that I like me. Xoxo - Me

This entire entry sounded uber-chick like, and I hate myself for that. Ew.

Next entry will focus on micro-brews and music. Sounds delicious.

Barf. Everywhere.

For several weeks now Valentine's day has been taunting me, teasing me, and pissing me off. Albeit from a distance, it's now closer than I'd prefer. Why, you ask? Well for starters I am preparing to be bombarded by advertisements, annoying facebook statuses, and people "in lurve" all around me. Barf. Everywhere. That, and the fact that this will be my first Valentine's Day single since 2006. That's right. I haven't had a solo Valentine's day in 5 years. I don't recall how I spent the one in 2006, but I was most likely brooding because that was what I did best in high school, aside from wearing sweatpants every day of the week and consuming slushees in massive quantities. Currently I'm wearing sweatpants (on a Wednesday) and consuming massive amounts of Diet Coke. Clearly not much has changed. However, I have a plan for Valentine's day.

I'm pretty excited to have the night by myself without so much as a date planned. So I will take the initiative for about the third time in my life and plan a date for myself. First, a few days before Vday I will make a trip to Giant Eagle for part one. The fact that I don't go out on the actual holiday to retrieve these items is absolutely crucial. If I were to shop on valentine's day I would look like a sap, which I am not. This will include purchases of wine (red, obviously) and a variety of chocolate products. Going to have to weigh the options on that one, not sure which chocolate brand I want to drop some cash on. I could always drive to an actual chocolate shop, but that feels sad and out of my price range. Besides, let's be real, we all know the majority of my spending will be dedicated to the vino. Next I'll line up all of my favorite Valentine's day related TV episodes from shows like The Office and Modern Family, having a little mini-marathon of sorts. I expect this to last approximately 1.4 hours. This will be followed by a "chick flick". I'm currently leaning towards The Notebook simply because I own it (whoops), Ryan Gosling, just the right amount of sappy and sexy, I've seen it a million times, Ryan Gosling. Don't judge. During this time I will chat (hopefully) with the true loves of my life, some of my best friends who either happen to be away from their significant others on Vday or are single like me.

I fully expect to have concocted a fantastically terrible playlist of "love" songs, courtesy of the display of 69 cent ones currently available at the iTunes store. Especially some of my modern day R&B faves. I fully expect to be tipsy at the very least for part of the evening, during which time I will more than likely send out at least one embarrassing text message that I'll regret immediately or the following day. Lastly, I expect to have anywhere from 2-3 dance parties with myself, and at least one fifteen minute guitar session that will no doubt end in frustration.

I'd love to say I'm kidding about my Valentine's Day plans or the fact that I'm rather excited about them, but that would be a lie.

But if I may become an optimist for a moment :

"It's Valentine's day. It's not the day you run away from love, it's the day you track it down, tie it up, and take it home."